1. We want something or we want to do something.
2. God says no, either through an express commandment or through circumstances including another person or authority figure.
3. We make excuses and justify and rationalize why what we want or what we want to do is okay. It isn't really that bad and God didn't really say that we could not do this, or his commandment does not apply in this case, and so on and so forth. So we do whatever it takes to get what we want....and we sin. (Although sometimes at this stage we are thwarted in our attempts and then we just skip to step 5.)
4. God (or one of his agents) rebukes, corrects, chastises, or expresses his great displeasure at our sin.
5. Since we justified what we wanted to do, we get angry, bitter, and throw a little temper fit or pout. We blame everyone else, including God, but never blame ourself.
6. At this point the path splits. We can go down the road to hard- heartedness, stiff-necked rebellion, and eventual searing of our conscience OR we can be brought to repentance where we confess and ask for forgiveness.
We do not necessarily think through each of these steps. Rather, this is a distillation of the process that we habitually follow, many times without recognizing it or acknowledging it. Especially if we get to step 6 and deny that we did anything wrong. After all we had good reasons for it. As did Cain, as did Saul, as did Samson, as did King David, as did Eli, and so on and so forth.
For a parent, you need to work through your child's sin in step 6 and bring them to repentance. At the Caer, after chastisement or rebuke or correction, we pray with the child. They must tell God exactly what their sin is and name it. We do not allow any hedging. If they lied, they must say, "I lied." They are not allowed to say "I did the wrong thing," or "I should have said something different." They simply must state the sin to God and then ask for forgiveness for it. They also must ask God for the grace to repent.
Next, if their sin involved another person they must go to that person and do the same thing. They need to say, "I'm sorry I lied to you, will you forgive me?" It is not enough that they say "I'm sorry." That is just their telling how they feel about it--and mostly because they got caught and are in trouble....The other person needs to say, "I forgive you." If restitution needs to be made, for instance they took gum or candy or broke a toy, then the offender must make plans and then restore the stolen or broken item.
Plenty of times we do not actually feel repentant. Repentance is actually a gift of grace from God and He works in the heart. However, we believe that we must learn the pattern of confession and seeking forgiveness and train it into the children. We did not learn this as children and still are working on learning it as adults. Also, God asks for our obedience and as we obey, then He works on our hearts. So as the children are taught the obedience in the process, God is faithful and will grant them repentance too.
---posted by Queen Lucy